it wasnt enough that u ur self was a shitty assss dad u had to bring in my real dad. haha its shitty enuff that i have one bad dad but for you to put that in my face like its something i can help is dumb. thanks mom you gave me one shitty dad than you gave me another one (:
i think your mean controling selfish very immature. you text me constantly and its always the same shit how you miss me how much you love me but you dont never could you dont no how to love someone your stuck in your little fucking world where nobody in the world has ever had a broken heart no one has ever been hurt the way you have. but thats bullshit other things break people heart loosing people sucks but if i would have stayed in that relationship with you i would have fucking lost it my mind my self it would have been gone. when i left you i gained my self back in every aspect. i cant fall backwards anymore trying to explain to you why we broke up. its not fair you still make me look like shit like it was not right that i hurt you that i left you but what are you still trying to hold over my head? GOD im so annoyed at the fact that you think i owe you and explanation o you want one you really want one ill give you the best one to my description you were to much to fucking much you only care about yourself not how others feel around you. you think there is so much wrong with you that nobody in the world could have it worse than you but thats bullshit so many people in the fucking world have it worse. ive never dated someone who was so consumed in themselves i think youve seen to many movies not everything is like that. if you were so in love with me why did you drive me crazy why did you make me think there was everything wrong with me in my head like you didnt no who you were talkin to? to be honest i got over you while we were dating but things left unsaid made me wonder so ill say them now. i loved you with all i could for as long as i could. two people cant love each other equal and thats ok you may not think so but i loved you more than you could ever love me regardless of what you think in your little mind of little maturity. the things i gave up for you were endless. what ruined our relationship the most was me knowing you on a personal level the level of us being fucking married and living together it fucked with my mind and yet you still try to fuck with my feelinggs but it doesnt work anymore. you lied to me about everything why would you even claim to be gay to fuck me over and go to a boy to fuck with my mind? it didnt work dear it just made me trust alot less of people. all the times you hit me and screamed at me they dont replay in my head anymore they just linger around somewhere waiting for someone to ask me why i broke up with you and i did break up with and everyone can say what they say idc i just want for me to be left alone for you to not loook my way ever again im strong but not strong enough to talk about it anymore im done with the thought of it and the idea of it. i always thought no body could love me as much as you but the truth of it is anyone could have loved me more than you. im done speakin to you. youve become just another face in the crowd idc i lost all patience with you.
today i wore what ive worn all summer some cut off pants and a tall tee and slippersss (: yes i am a g(:
i believe in very few things. i believe we have a purpose for being here and there is something so much better than this world and we just have to get the courage and strength and will power to get over it. thats why no body can choose for us but us. its our inner power. i believe in having a companion to take care of and do everything in your life for that one person.
im having such a hard time trusting people lately like ive watched it go from medium ok to shitty. i lost this game of life and i have no will in me to even caare to trust anyone or even care about people in general. i lost alot of myself and i just dont care about much. i dont care who is sad i dont care why they are sad. i have this thing were i jsut want to lay around and not care because its just the easy thing to do now a days. life fucking sucks get the fuck over it.
ill get back to this one.
Jack.. he is just the perfect bestfriend. nuff said (:
today my day went really ffast and was what i call an ook day (: bummed around with my baby watched secret life of an american teenager or something idk (“:
i could be just like everyone else and give you the most generic answer of love or i can just be honest and tell you my definition of love to the fullest description i can.
love is that warm feeling we get in the pit of our stomach when we see someone. it reminds us that the human race isnt so shitty. i mean to have the power to control someones every movement and every thought is something so amazing. i think that love isnt as complex as everyone thinks it is. its quite easy to find someone you want to be with and stay with them there isnt more than that its not more than finding qualities in someone that you can actually live with. its those endless butterflies those kisses that take you to a different place. its feeling that one person when you no there hurting. love is very beautiful and so easy to do. i think love is finding a companion who wants the same things out of life that you do. someone who understands your every sentence who sits there analyzing your every word just to make sure they didnt miss a comma or period. someone who takes the time to understand why you are the way you are.
Chasing the Dragon
The itching begins and soon enough im content as my blood begins to thin.The world is on my side and the beauty it withholds is actually tolerable than the rush comes and i feel untouchable .
i dont want to go back to a world thats so mean and cruel and actaully have to feel everything i fear. in my world its just me and no one can hurt me all is silenced and i am happy and fearless.
if nobody can see it i am going crazy in this world by myself. ill never let this feeling go.
ha today i actually ate a good amount of food. i woke up and ate some jack in the box. (: i got a chicken sandwhich and a jumbo jack (: than i fell back to sleep woke up and had sub way. today was a good day for food(:
do you feel this.. the pain in my chest it creeps up on me sometimes. the cold shivers take over my body. my stomach aches with pain so horrible could make me fall to my knees. do you hear him? does anyone hear him. please tell me he isnt right and that it is all my imagination. am i crazy? how crazy could i be. crazy enough to hear the thoughts in my head and be able to face them day to day. could i last another day another thought another moment? is it too late to focus on what could be or is it time to notice what isnt.
im so irritated right now i feel like back stabbed kinda betrayed? idk my bestfriend always is on my side about how fucked up jarin did me ya know? and than jarin trys to get us back and act like it never happened but it still did. the way they can just hang out is really irritating to me because even jack agreed on how messed up jarin is and how he uses him but its whatever dude i rather have no friends that 2 fucked up ones.. i mean i dont expect jack to talk shit about me but dude who the fuck knows anymore? its bullshit i am irritated so much right now i just no that if anyone ever did jack how jarin did us both than id fucking drop them in a second. jarin pretends that were cool but there is a reason i dont EVER fucking hang out with him. there is many. bbut honestly i dont think i could drop jack i mean if he is talking shit than im gonna have to but i hope that isnt the case idk i thought i could trust him but i guess not.
My family annoys me to . the way my brother gets punished compared to me is bullshit. jack walked out wiht his bong yesterday and bill flipped my brother breaks a hole in a wimdow has court and nothing not one thing he isnt even in trouble fucking give me a break. im so sick of living in the house dealing with drama im at the verge of having a fucking mental break down.
p.s my kitten tucker. is a girl. not so much of a disappointment but it was a suprise