September 2011
1 post
The worst thing about continuing to do something you know takes a hold of your body is not caring what is gonnna happen to you. You guys dont care nor do you
Even understand how to make it better your not family your something familiar snd when I’m gone you’ll
Wish you could have done it allll different, so ill say this when I’m gone this willl be what you have to think of me:...
August 2011
3 posts
I hate my life and the next three days
I’m wirhdrawing so bad lately I dont know why I let myself get into situationslike this the pain is so unbelievable not worth stoping but even when I do stop and I’m ok I go bsck but I guess you can’t escape your fate
Its almost like a routine now a days three pain full days and im right back to it im loosing my life and mind my heart beats slowly my mind escapes me it could have been so perfect
April 2011
2 posts
]:
it feels like such a hard processs going through a break up. especially when youve gone through it 3 different times with the same person.. we break up everytime for the same fucking reason than we get back together starting off right were we left off.. im done i have to be it hurts to much to stay. i have one month of school left and im outty. but that doesnt say much. im sorry. that you have to...
November 2010
3 posts
but your body disagrees
There is somethings i can understand.. like i am a very hard person to please and a very hard person to get along with but i will tell you this that i wouldnt have chose you for the job if i didnt think that you could do it. You are the only person who actually tries to tear me down. i mean ive dated other girls but nope they just fucked me over in some way you could be sooo perfect i mean you...
for every dull moment.
i feel so shitty. like yes i know what could i have to complain about? stupid shit point less shit? but my shit to you could be very pointless but the shit to me is not pointless at all. why are you soo mean” better yet why the fuck am i so mean. We could have it perfect i mean most of the time it is fucking perfect but we are so far down the road that i dont expect people to understand...
September 2010
7 posts
this is not intended to scare anyone but myself
The easiest way out is to just fucking do it. Empty heart heavy thoughts. The biggest fear i have is to try and not succeed and than live with the fact that it wasn’t my destiny yet but why does it feel so right. My blood runs with the power to do this to be able to get the nerve up to just fucking step on that chair and let go. I know its my time it is there is no other time for...
i know i know
):
forever or never
my thoughts are just to jumbled up right now. i cant express how i feel but i honestly dont know if i even feel. nummbbb give me a break im still searching
just hold on
im breathing this contaminated air full of hate into my lungs over and over again. i re live the struggles i try and piece my life back together over and over why did it happen to me was my life meant to be this way. Ive had my family taken away from me put into another one with less love given to me than the love i received from my mom. i was a huge charity case for the worst years of my life. I...
if only
i knew how to end it with people the easy way. i cant say the things i mean nor mean tthe things i say. im stuck in the same routine i almost feel like its nott okay for me to feel hurt or need time i rush into things too soon and i need the time to find myself. after being in a new relationship i realized so much. i shouldnt take the stuff i let people do to me i mean in the beginging is when...
August 2010
10 posts
.......
it wasnt enough that u ur self was a shitty assss dad u had to bring in my real dad. haha its shitty enuff that i have one bad dad but for you to put that in my face like its something i can help is dumb. thanks mom you gave me one shitty dad than you gave me another one (:
what i think of you
i think your mean controling selfish very immature. you text me constantly and its always the same shit how you miss me how much you love me but you dont never could you dont no how to love someone your stuck in your little fucking world where nobody in the world has ever had a broken heart no one has ever been hurt the way you have. but thats bullshit other things break people heart loosing...
Day 10 – What you wore today
today i wore what ive worn all summer some cut off pants and a tall tee and slippersss (: yes i am a g(:
Day 09 – Your beliefs
i believe in very few things. i believe we have a purpose for being here and there is something so much better than this world and we just have to get the courage and strength and will power to get over it. thats why no body can choose for us but us. its our inner power. i believe in having a companion to take care of and do everything in your life for that one person.
im having such a hard time trusting people lately like ive watched it go from medium ok to shitty. i lost this game of life and i have no will in me to even caare to trust anyone or even care about people in general. i lost alot of myself and i just dont care about much. i dont care who is sad i dont care why they are sad. i have this thing were i jsut want to lay around and not care because its...
Day 08 – A moment
ill get back to this one.
Day 07 – Your best friend
Jack.. he is just the perfect bestfriend. nuff said (:
Day 06 – Your day
today my day went really ffast and was what i call an ook day (: bummed around with my baby watched secret life of an american teenager or something idk (“:
Day 05 – Your definition of love
i could be just like everyone else and give you the most generic answer of love or i can just be honest and tell you my definition of love to the fullest description i can.
love is that warm feeling we get in the pit of our stomach when we see someone. it reminds us that the human race isnt so shitty. i mean to have the power to control someones every movement and every thought is something so...
Day 04 – What you ate today
ha today i actually ate a good amount of food. i woke up and ate some jack in the box. (: i got a chicken sandwhich and a jumbo jack (: than i fell back to sleep woke up and had sub way. today was a good day for food(:
July 2010
24 posts
go away
do you feel this.. the pain in my chest it creeps up on me sometimes. the cold shivers take over my body. my stomach aches with pain so horrible could make me fall to my knees. do you hear him? does anyone hear him. please tell me he isnt right and that it is all my imagination. am i crazy? how crazy could i be. crazy enough to hear the thoughts in my head and be able to face them day to day....
blegh
im so irritated right now i feel like back stabbed kinda betrayed? idk my bestfriend always is on my side about how fucked up jarin did me ya know? and than jarin trys to get us back and act like it never happened but it still did. the way they can just hang out is really irritating to me because even jack agreed on how messed up jarin is and how he uses him but its whatever dude i rather have no...
Day 03 – Your parents
my mom: is the most caring person in the world. ive always felt espicially close to her. i member one night she went crazy and left i was about 8 and it was christmas eve. she just left. i had to go outside and get my baskettball hoop from across the street and i just had this huge feeling she was gonna come rollin up and she did! i guess ive always gotten wierd feelings about her like she is...
Day 02 – Your first love
My first love.. i think about this question all time. you know what they make love out to be? perfect so cute and so amazing ive never ever felt that. i mean ffor me to sit here and say ive been in love so many times would be foolish because i dont think i have truly ever been in love.. not yet not until i want to marry someone but you see i have to many standards to get married i want it to be...
Day 01 – Introduce yourself
The names ashlei (:
1 tag
Day 01 – Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love
Day 03 – Your parents
Day 04 – What you ate today
Day 05 – Your definition of love
Day 06 – Your day
Day 07 – Your best friend
Day 08 – A moment
Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – What you wore today
Day 11 – Your siblings
Day 12 – What’s in your bag
Day 13 – This week
Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – Your dreams
Day 16 – Your...
This feeling
i’m afraid you’ll change you’ll be like everyone else so much that i accuse you of doing it but your not. your different. you truly are my best friend. you care and i dont care if people dont see it because i feel it. When we kiss my heart does this thing were it jumps and than slows down and i feel it fall to the pit of my stomach.
the way your skin smells sends a tingly...
Welll
iv decided to end this vow of silence lol on day two because while not talking to people i realized that i should not talk to the people who make me miserable.so i wont be miserable i will only speak good things and i will finally do things for myself only.
“The tongue like a sharp knife… Kills without drawing blood.”
such a lonely day, and its mine
well i havnt really wrote in here for awhile but my computer wasnt working. im sooo tired. lately i have realized alot and decided to become a practicing buddhist until i get it figured out all the way. its something im sure will help me in the long run. well today i slept most of the day away but its something i really loved doing! hmmm finding myself is going to take a long time but in the end...
you hate something in him that is part of...
I really fucking hate you to death. you know when people say oh i hate that guy i could kill him. i really fucking could do it. itd be like kill bill volume ashlei. my mom always told me that after awhile id learn to love you. FUCKTHAT learn to love what there so many things not to love its hard to find one thing i could actually like about you.. How can anyone expect me to get along with such a...
The phrase "working mother" is redundant
Sooo. my kitten tucker is a huge baby! lol soooo i feeed it play with it and it sleeps for a little while than it wakes up an hour later and jumps on my head and bites my hairr. meows at me over and over again. lol so i have to play with it soo much it just falls asleep. Goood thing he is cutee… Man i bet the little guy misses his mom D: he deff is my baby though im telling you.. I have to...
He will do one of two things He will admit to...
If there is one thing i regret its not saying what i should have said to make things right completely. Even though you’ve said your peace it still feels so completely wrong.. how can you say your my brother and not want to be in my life? To find the words to put in here isn’t even easy because were can i start. betrayal ran deep this time. At the time i needed you the most it was the...
cheeesus
The infamous tumblr hahah so i’m going to see if this helps me vent. it probably wont but i want to see how it works. Its cool to talk to somebody even if that somebody could possibly lead to millions of random people i have no idea exist. Well theres alot of shit i could start out by saying but i guess that would defeat the purpose of this. i could go on and on right now and have wrote a...
